


Du ska veta att jag saknar dig

by SimpleSwede



Series: Songfics [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Love, M/M, Songfic, They are mostly only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:40:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimpleSwede/pseuds/SimpleSwede
Summary: SongficAfter the night where Fenris left him Hawke has made sure to avoid him by anyways necessary, until he runs into him in hightown.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is my first fic ever so I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. 
> 
> Anyway, this song is one of my favourite songs by the Swedish artist Tomas Ledin and I just really thought it fit Fenris and Hawke so well. 
> 
> If you want to listen to the song:
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WJX5X_0hKU8

Vad gör du nu för tiden?   
What att you doing nowadays?  
Varför hör du aldrig av dig?  
Why do you never call?   
Det var alldeles för längesen vi sågs   
it was such a long times since I saw you

"Hawke?"

"Fenris?" He said in surprise as he looked at the white haired elf. 

"What are you doing nowadays? I haven't heard from you in a while and you haven't been asking me to come with you either." Fenris said, voice inquisitive. Hawke felt himself grow restless and tense, to release Some of it he scratched his neck before answering.

"Oh you know, it's just been a bunch of you know, Mage stuff, lot of freeing apostates and... Stuff..." He trailed off awkwardly.

He watched how Fenris nose scrunched slightly at his words and he felt his heart skip a beat as those green eyes sized him up and picked him apart.

Det var dem första ord hon sa those were the first words she said   
När vi sprang på varann when we stumbled upon each other   
Ute på stan tidigare idag out in the city earlier this day 

They hadn't really spoken for a month, not since "that" night, since fenris left him. Hawke didn't usually consider himself a coward but the pain from the separation had made him one.

He had been doing so well when it came to avoiding Fenris. Only picking jobs where he knew he couldn't bring the elf anyway. But of course he hadn't considered the possibility of running into him here in hightown .

Which he really should have, seeing as Fenris also lived here. 

Bor du kvar I samma 2: a?  
Do you still live in the same 2 rooms?  
Vad jobbar du med?   
What are you working with?   
Hon bubblade av frågor   
she was bubbling with questions  
Jag svarade   
I answered   
Sen avbröt hon mig   
then she interrupted me  
Med sitt underbara leende  
with her wonderful smile 

"So how is your mother? I am guessing she is more satisfied in this house than the one in lowtown?" Fenris said and before he could answer he interrupted with more questions.   
"And what jobs have you gotten? Surely they are not all Mage related? I have been... Bored... And would greatly enjoy if I could... Come with you again."

To say that Hawke was surprised was an understatement, shocked or baffled was probably a bit more accurate. Fenris missed him. Alright maybe he hadn't said the words outright but they were there, if you read between the lines. Right? It wasn't just his subconscious wishing there was more to it, there was more. 

"Oh yeah mother is great, in fact she is thinking about starting to date again. And the yeah lot of Mage stuffs, but I think I have something else coming up, something related to bandits. On the wounded coast, wounded coast bandits in need of killing. You could join me on that... I mean if you want, you don't have to, you could-" 

"Hehehe" 

And Hawke was staring, he knew he was but he couldn't help it. Fenris was laughing and he was really pretty. The way his eyes sparkled, and his normally stoic face relaxed, how he let his guard down and let himself be happy. The knowledge that he had caused this reaction, even after the separation, made something flutter in his chest.

"Of course I will join you Hawke, I will follow you wherever you lead me."

Jag har vaknat mitt I natten av tystnaden I have woken in the night from the quiet  
Och önskat att sov här med mig and been wishing you'd be here sleeping with me 

And those words coupled with the look in Fenris eyes brought Hawke back. Back to that wonderful night that ended so bad. 

He had remembered fenris weight in his arms, how he fit so perfectly. He remembered the small noises he had made, and how he had snuggled closer. 

And despite it only being one night, he still found himself waking up expecting to find him there in bed. 

His room felt to quiet sometimes.

 

Jag lovade att ringa I promised to call  
Det skulle bli rätt snart as soon as I could   
Fick mitt nummer och min nya adress got my number and my new adress  
Sen rusa hon iväg then she was off  
Hon hade bråttom förstås in a hurry of course 

"Well I gotta go, I promised aveline that I would help her"

"Yeah of course, you shouldn't keep her waiting." And he could feel the disappointment grow. He had been hesitating to see Fenris again but now... He never wanted him to walk away again. "I guess I will come pick you up before we head to the wounded coast?"

Fenris simply nodded and gave another small, hesitant smile before he turned and walked away.

För bråttom för att hinna se  
to hurried to notice   
Att jag följde hennes gång med en förundrad blick  
that I followed her walk with a struck gaze  
Det fanns mycket kvar att säga   
there was much more to say  
Men hon bara gick   
but she just walked

He could do nothing but just watch as fenris walked away. But this time the feeling of seeing him disappear didn't feel him with despair. They had talked, sure it had been a bit awkward at the beginning but Hawke could admit that he wasn't the smoothest around his crushes and Fenris wasn't exactly know to be smooth, period. 

He could work with this.

Jag har suttit med vänner   
I have been sitting with friends   
På en stökig resturang   
at a rowdy restaurant   
Och kommit på mig själv vara nån annan stans   
and I have found myself being some place else 

Later that night when he was at the hanged man with Isabella and Varric he found himself thinking about fenris again. At the way the light would strike his eyes, making them look like pure gems. The way he would giggle as Hawke would blow at his ears. 

How he, despite everything he had been through, and everything he had suffered he would still not give up. Hawke could admit that it was frustrating having him and Anders, or him and merill, or maker forbid it all three of them, on the same team it was still impressing. Because even if the words they exchanged were sometimes harsh, Fenris would still protect them and he was always quick to step between a blade and it's target. That, to Hawke, spoke more than words did. 

Fenris wasn't one for words or letting people in, and Hawke was honored to have been allowed in. But he still wished that Fenris would have stayed.

 

Jag förstod aldrig riktigt I never really understood   
Vad som hände den där gången   
what happened that time   
Förrutom att allt blev fel   
except that everything went wrong   
Det fanns så mycket kvar att ge   
there was so much left to give   
Det fanns kärlek mellan oss   
there was love between us  
Varför packa du din väska istället för att slåss?   
Why didn't you stay and fight but packed your bag instead? 

"I think I am heading home early guys."

"You sure? You are going to miss when I finally defeat Isabella. " Varric said, grinning as he showed his cards. "She ain't even gonna know what hit her."

"Varric, you seem to forget that she cheats." He Said laughing as he walked out. However As soon as he got out the smile disappeared.

"Not gonna know what hit her eh? Know that feeling." He mumbled as his mind replayed That night. He still had a hard time seeing how they could have triggered memories with sex, and a small part of him was also vaguely coming to realise that maybe Fenris hadn't had any good experiences when it came to sex before. That thought alone made him want to march into tevinter and kill Danarius. Preferably as slow as possible. 

Opening the door to the mansion he snuck into his room and crashed headfirst into the bed. And with murderous thoughts flitting through his head he fell asleep. 

Du ska veta att jag saknar  
you should know that I'll be missing you   
Det finns känslor som aldrig tar slut   
there are feelings that never end  
Du ska veta att jag inte glömt   
you should know that I haven't forgotten   
Det finns bilder som aldrig suddas ut   
there are pictures that can't be erased 

The first thing he did the next day was to walk the short distant to Fenris' mansion. He hesitated only for a moment before knocking, and entering. With confident strides he walked through the big entry hall and up the stairs. As he expected he found Fenris in the usual place. 

However he was asleep, that he hadn't expected. He knew he should try to wake him, knew that fenris didn't like being vulnerable in front of anyone but he couldn't make himself do it. He was to entranced in the picture before him. He looked so relaxed and so young.

He took the opportunity to admire the first peaceful picture before him and he felt and odd feeling in his chest. He had missed Fenris. It had been a month of avoiding him, but now, looking at his sleeping face, he found something falling into place. Before he could name it however Fenris stirred. 

Hawke barely had time to react before a pair of alert green eyes froze him. 

"Eh sorry to wake you, just came to get you for the job, the wounded bandit one... Wait no that's not right, I meant the wounded coast one, with the bandits, that were killing. Or maybe they will kill us. Maker I hope not that would be sad and I am not ready to die and I don't want you to die or for -"

"Garett, your rambling." Fenris interrupted him and by andraste's ass his voice was rougher than usual from sleep and it was really doing something for him. And wait, what had he said...

"You said Garett!"

"Yes that is your name is it not?"

"Yeah it is..." And he couldn't help but smile. "Well if your awake, shall we get going? Those bandits won't kill themselves, probably."

The vicious smile on fenris eyes as he rose to get his sword and armour was answer enough for Hawke.

He had really missed bringing Fenris along.

Jag har fått för mig att jag sett dig  
I have thought that I have seen you   
Jag har ropat ditt namn  
I have called your name   
Jag har sprungit rakt fram mot en främmande famn  
I have ran towards an unknown embrace 

Maybe he should have moved on, found himself another lover or a one night stand. He could have moved on and simply let it go. Forgotten about it and let Fenris forget him to.

But as he stretched out a hand to help a blood soaked fenris of the ground he saw something. There was a red piece of clothing tied around a slim wrist. A favour. 

Fenris was wearing his favour. 

He couldn't contain the grin spreading across his face as he heaved fenris off the ground. It widened as Fenris did not immediately release his hand. However the moment wasn't long lived as Aveline spoke.

"You've been in Kirkwall as long as I have. Does it feel like home?" She was studying them both, her gaze landing on their still joined hands. 

As if embarrassed fenris immediately extracted it. The short flash of pain at the reaction was however quickly healed over by what he said.  
" It feels. That itself has been a surprise."

His heart skipped a beat and honestly maybe he should have his heart checked out, if Fenris was gonna continue on this path he would probably soon die.

"Now maybe we should move on before the rest of them escape."

And they did eventually move on, and if he and Fenris was perhaps walking closer than before, then maybe, Hawke thought, there still was some hope.

En del av mitt hjärta kommer alltid slå för dig  
A piece of my heart will always beat for you


End file.
